Late Entry: February 9 ~1700, Orlando FL, in-laws bathroom... Just me and this test. I was terrified. Even my bladder was scared because it refused to release pee. Then when it trickled out, my hands were shivering in fear.When I finally managed, minutes later: two blue bars.
What did it mean? Was it possible? It just could not possibly be? But the two blue bars stared back at me trying to convince me otherwise.
My eyes welled with tears. But admittedly not happy ones. Our plans, our travels, our future... I wasn't ready, WE weren't ready. We were destined for great adventures back to Australia, back to Europe and to new destinations. I just started at work, I'm a brand new nurse on the floor, I'm supposed to first get comfortable and get experience: I couldn't possibly be prepared for this on top of my already stressful job. And our house, our house is too small and our savings, our savings were not enough. We weren't ready, just not now, not so soon...
Jeffrey hugged me, happily but mainly shocked. He did what he always does in my moments of worry and extreme panic. He hugged me and said, "Everything is going to work out babe, I will take care of BOTH of you"
The future father of my unborn child. The love of my life. My lifetime partner and companion. My bestest friend in the whole wide world. I knew that if I were ever going to go through anything in my life be it big, small, scary, exciting, adventurous, or new, it was going to be with him.
I realized that the two bars meant so much more than my own selfish fears, plans or wants. The two bars were an unexpected blessing. And that this destination will be far more adventurous and exciting than anywhere we have ever cared to venture to, and that any paycheck wasn't worth the NEW job I had just been given. Nursing will be always be there, but motherhood is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. And our house, though small, is not just a house, it is our home. And our savings, well, we still have 9 months to work on that.
The two blue bars meant the world to me. They told me I was going to be a mum.
As terrified as I may be, this will be the most adventurous and exciting time of our lives.. I know we'll be okay.. we'll be more than okay.. and I can't wait to experience all this with you and be your baby daddy :) you and this baby mean everything to me, so no need to worry. You know I'll take care of you BOTH..
ReplyDeleteLove you babe
ReplyDeleteAbbey- when I read your post, it really touched me and I am so happy for you and Jeffrey. I know you will be a great mom. BTW you looked adorable in your pictures. I hope to visit you soon. Please let me know when you are better so I can bring you food. Miss you!!
ReplyDelete-Charlene
Awwww thank you Charlene! I will text you and we will see each other soon!!!
ReplyDeleteI was reading this yesterday at the kids play place in supermall and i kid you not, i was trying so hard not to cry. everything you said about your fears, thoughts and feelings you had were all true to me. the good and the "not so good" feelings. but, i wouldn't trade it for anything. it's the best adventure that i am still experiencing. you guys are gonna make great parents.
ReplyDeleteOh Madane, what would I do without you?! You, my sister and Kata have been my go-to mamas for advice and infinite questions... I truly hope to be a good parent as all of you are.
ReplyDelete