The one in the bed

Being the "patient" today instead of the "nurse" seemed like such a surreal experience.

It made me appreciate my profession and what I can do to touch people's lives, what I can do to comfort them in difficult times or in emotionally and physically painful times, because today I was touched. I was comforted. I never realized how capable just the touch on my shoulder or how holding my hand or a hug could make so much difference. I've often done this, yet not really known or fathomed its significance till now. My nurse, knew my pain, though maybe not completely, but she knew I was hurting. She knew I did not want to be there, that I did not want to be the "one in the bed."

A friend of mine, RN, who also works in the Operating Room took time to come by my room hug me, hug Jeffrey and my mum... It meant so much to me. As tears were flowing, my ate Caroline comforted me and said, "Even though people tell you it's ok, it's not ok." She was right, I lost someone I loved with all my heart and unconditionally, someone for whom I would have given my own heartbeat for just to hear his/hers. It was not ok, I was hurting and she let me be hurt, she gave me permission to mourn, to be sad, to be broken because this was it: this was saying goodbye. I will never ever forget this gesture. Thank you ate Caroline...

Now hours after my procedure, I am recovering well. Groggy, drowsy and probably still high from the general anesthesia, but I feel that I am on my way to healing. Physically and emotionally. Jeffrey and I feel this was the last hurdle to overcome to finally start moving on and moving forward. Thank you all for your continued support, help, well wishes, love, hugs, cyber hugs and kisses, whatsapp messages, FB messages, texts, calls, emails and for simply being there. Many of you tell me there's nothing you can say, but truthfully, just recognizing and validating our suffering already helps in so many ways.

Lastly I want to say that I hope this experience continues to help me grow as a person, as a woman and as a future mother. I also hope this helps me become a better nurse now that I know what it feels to be on the other side...